Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
