I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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