She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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