DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
