Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
