life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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