Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
