i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
