you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
