It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize