Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
