I hate your face
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
