i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
