so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
