So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I am naked and annoyed.
Couch. On fire.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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