mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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