The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
