So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
