they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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