She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
