Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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