Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
