Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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