I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
