Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
