If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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