Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
