WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
