worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
