you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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