Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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