Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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