Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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