ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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