kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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