i may or may not be watching the land before time
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
