So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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