Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
