South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
