its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
