I have demons in me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Boobs speak an international language.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Randomize
