ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
