bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
