I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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