well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
