I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
