We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
