the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
