HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
