yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
