Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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