I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize