I think my vagina is haunted
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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