it's not cheating when I paid for it
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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