i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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