I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
