dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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