Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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