We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
NoShamevember. You game?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
