& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
