just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize