You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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