she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
