Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
