either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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