dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
