if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
