So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
