my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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