I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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