Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
