3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
