Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
