listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
